I feel like God is good to us.
I know it but I don't always feel it.
But I feel it for now. I enjoy that because lately this early past weekend and a few of the days last week I didn't always feel like this. I felt kind of like I just didn't feel like I loved God enough or was a good enough Christian or something of that sort. I just felt like I could do better. I don't know if that was conviction or just a way to bring me closer to God really. But I definitely think that after I prayed for that it happened this weekend! But not til the end.
I got baptized this weekend :)
I was having a really rough Sunday morning. I went home to meet people at Church but on the way picked up my brother with my sis and her bf(he went the 1st time to church with us!) and everything was just going wrong this morning and everything my brother said seemed to just not be supportive somehow but i knew he didnt mean it. I ended up being a mess and not in a good state to meet the people that the intern i've been in touch with at the Church had asked to meet me and gathered, which was kind of him. So, it was emotional and i broke down at church and felt like I wasn't being a good Christian and trusting in God because I was so discouraged and getting affected by everything. But a stranger lady in the bathroom, Michelle, prayed with me to trust in God. and be able to grow closer to Him through whatever was bringing me down. When i went back into the service, i realized it was a baptism splash, long story short, God told me to trust in Him and rely on Him again and be truthful about my life and that yes, i couldn't be perfect and all ready and the good happy Christian girl i wanted to be today to meet the potential supporters. I don't know where it'll come from, but I know I just have to leave it up to God and keep trying and not feel like I'm failing because that would not be trusting Him. I spontaneously got baptized today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I needed that for God and for me and God. And also Brian got baptized and we dovoted more of ourselves and our hearts to Jesus. It was amazing to do that together as well!
My grandma and grandpa are coming to Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After Church, I told my parents and they were kind of eh about it because I had been baptized. But I was totally reliant on God again and reminded to give myself completely to Him. I need to be in the Word more so I don't have to remind myself of this! But I went to hang out with my grandparents and they have been on my heart! But we ended up talking about my grandma's eye and how it's hard for her to see and open her eyes. Then she talked about dying and heaven and hell and it just led in to God talk. and how to get to heaven. My grandma said she didnt know if she was going, and no one knew until after. But I got to share the great GOOD NEWS with her and my grandpa and it made sense to them. They told me about how they believe Jesus saved them and how he died for us! And my grandma even started to tell me about the Bible stories and moses and jesus' birth and adam and eve and the disciples, lots! It was awesome hearing!!!!! THEN WE PRAYED TOGETHER holding hands to make sure we knew that we were all going to Heaven together! And that we knew Jesus is our savior! IT WAS AMAZING! The explaining part of the good news was hard because I kept forgetting how to say GOD, JESUS, and HEAVEN in chinese. Lol, the 3 crucial words. So, I was speaking chinglish, chinese and english. But it was just so greatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
I'm committing to reading my Bible everyday. I need God in my life.
From Chelsie McNeil, Thanks girl.
Some words of encouragement:
“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” –John 15:7
---Pretty sweet promises He has for us :)
Trusting in Him,
Christina
p.s. support raising is such hard work to do, but it's kind of fun as well and enjoyable. i just know it's all up to God to provide it and not me.
p.s.s. today my grandma did keep calling me "dumb" when she found out how much money I needed to raise for support. i don't think she understands that part and i don't think i did a good enough job explaining because of the slight language barrier, my chinese can get pretty rough, but it wasn't as discouraging as it could've been because i was explaining to her why i knew it was a lot but God was big enough for that.
goodnight.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thanks Jesus :)
The meaning of Easter...
This is the first year ever that I really understood Easter.
I am so thankful Jesus died for us and suffered for us.
He even knew he had to and had to go through the pain of crucifixion.
(I watched The Passion movie this weekend, how fitting.)
I was a little scared but I am so glad I did!!!!
I feel like I am satisfied with life.
And I will try to "do work" to be this close to God all the time.
Thank you God. Thank you Jesus for dying for us, even us today.
I had an absolutely wonderful Easter weekend at home.
I am crazy in love with my entire family.
(It's taken a lot of ups and downs and separation and heartbreak and tough times and happy times to get here. to get to this much love within my family, but it was all worth it for how i feel for them! It's hard work also but it amazes me to enjoy us all together or not even all together but i've realized it doesn't matter what we have as long as we can lift each other up and be in life together and NEED each other. I feel stressed a lot sometimes when I feel like i have to be the light in the family but as everyone tries to do their part, i also know that it is necessary and fun and reward-ful. I look up to my parents so much for how hard they work for sometimes, very little. We've come so far despite the tough or angry or sad or unbearable or whatever times. I love them all. P.S. I think having a lot taken away from our family makes me so much more grateful for what we do have! It's hard to see that in the eye of the storm.)
I love my friends a ton.
And I love to share God's love with my friends and family.
And I feel happy.
...even if I have to cram for an exam now to try to do well
because I spent all weekend with friends and family nonstop and Church.
I'm so ready to be on top of my work, get things done,
and spend more time with God. And get excited for summer project!
So, i absolutely love this life.
And overall, I'm just thankful! also for who Jesus has changed me to be today.
Happy Easter!
This is the first year ever that I really understood Easter.
I am so thankful Jesus died for us and suffered for us.
He even knew he had to and had to go through the pain of crucifixion.
(I watched The Passion movie this weekend, how fitting.)
I was a little scared but I am so glad I did!!!!
I feel like I am satisfied with life.
And I will try to "do work" to be this close to God all the time.
Thank you God. Thank you Jesus for dying for us, even us today.
I had an absolutely wonderful Easter weekend at home.
I am crazy in love with my entire family.
(It's taken a lot of ups and downs and separation and heartbreak and tough times and happy times to get here. to get to this much love within my family, but it was all worth it for how i feel for them! It's hard work also but it amazes me to enjoy us all together or not even all together but i've realized it doesn't matter what we have as long as we can lift each other up and be in life together and NEED each other. I feel stressed a lot sometimes when I feel like i have to be the light in the family but as everyone tries to do their part, i also know that it is necessary and fun and reward-ful. I look up to my parents so much for how hard they work for sometimes, very little. We've come so far despite the tough or angry or sad or unbearable or whatever times. I love them all. P.S. I think having a lot taken away from our family makes me so much more grateful for what we do have! It's hard to see that in the eye of the storm.)
I love my friends a ton.
And I love to share God's love with my friends and family.
And I feel happy.
...even if I have to cram for an exam now to try to do well
because I spent all weekend with friends and family nonstop and Church.
I'm so ready to be on top of my work, get things done,
and spend more time with God. And get excited for summer project!
So, i absolutely love this life.
And overall, I'm just thankful! also for who Jesus has changed me to be today.
Happy Easter!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Reminder:
God wants to be with us.
Even when things aren't all happy and are bad.
Have I not commanded you? Be Strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
And when things get tough, God wants us to go to Him.
"its not easy... its just reminding ourselves in the midst of feeling alone.. that God completely knows what your feeling and going through... and lately God has been teaching me that.... he is God over my feelings too. over my emotions even....and learning how to surrender even my feelings to him and rely on him in the super happy moments...and the low moments knowing he is sovereign. yeah...I know... and it is hard....especially when we feel its too much to handle or bare... but thats why it is so important that we go to God... cause he reminds us of the truth....because our feelings can make us forget... we totally rely on our feelings so much... we forget that God will not let us go through more than we can bare.. we wants so badly for us to cling to him to ask him for things.... to neeeeed him" - my friend <3
And God puts friends in our lives to bring us back to Him.
A friend loves at all times
Proverbs 17:17
Tonight I think I just crashed. Someone once told me that Satan attacks those of us who are a threat to him. I can't believe I let him get me, but then again I can. Thankfully our God is so powerful, we won't stay down. Talking to my friend tonight and thinking about my struggles and periods of lowness with Alcohol and trying to save him from it was tough, God. But I know that it's not solely up to me to keep him away from obstacles from God. We learn on our own and we learn how to lean on God. But then right after that talking to my family, and just feeling angry towards our family situation and troubles and not being able to do anything but help just felt worse. I felt angry at life for making me sad and helpless. I felt alone for not knowing who to go to about it. I should've went straight to God but it's so easy to not open my Bible when I know it has answers in it and words from God, who already knows what we are feeling and going through in our lives. But thank God for friends who just led me back to Him and reminded me of how GREAT HE IS. and how He wants us to go to Him. If I let the Holy spirit lead me tonight I would have just listened to my sister talk about my family at home and bring it to God and pray about it instead of getting angry and yelling with her for being angry as well. If only, but I was reminded, wasn't i? At one point I thought to myself that I just wanted to be in Heaven already!! And that I hate when things are tough. But God still has a purpose for us in this life. Reminder: God is everything to me.
Even when things aren't all happy and are bad.
Have I not commanded you? Be Strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
And when things get tough, God wants us to go to Him.
"its not easy... its just reminding ourselves in the midst of feeling alone.. that God completely knows what your feeling and going through... and lately God has been teaching me that.... he is God over my feelings too. over my emotions even....and learning how to surrender even my feelings to him and rely on him in the super happy moments...and the low moments knowing he is sovereign. yeah...I know... and it is hard....especially when we feel its too much to handle or bare... but thats why it is so important that we go to God... cause he reminds us of the truth....because our feelings can make us forget... we totally rely on our feelings so much... we forget that God will not let us go through more than we can bare.. we wants so badly for us to cling to him to ask him for things.... to neeeeed him" - my friend <3
And God puts friends in our lives to bring us back to Him.
A friend loves at all times
Proverbs 17:17
Tonight I think I just crashed. Someone once told me that Satan attacks those of us who are a threat to him. I can't believe I let him get me, but then again I can. Thankfully our God is so powerful, we won't stay down. Talking to my friend tonight and thinking about my struggles and periods of lowness with Alcohol and trying to save him from it was tough, God. But I know that it's not solely up to me to keep him away from obstacles from God. We learn on our own and we learn how to lean on God. But then right after that talking to my family, and just feeling angry towards our family situation and troubles and not being able to do anything but help just felt worse. I felt angry at life for making me sad and helpless. I felt alone for not knowing who to go to about it. I should've went straight to God but it's so easy to not open my Bible when I know it has answers in it and words from God, who already knows what we are feeling and going through in our lives. But thank God for friends who just led me back to Him and reminded me of how GREAT HE IS. and how He wants us to go to Him. If I let the Holy spirit lead me tonight I would have just listened to my sister talk about my family at home and bring it to God and pray about it instead of getting angry and yelling with her for being angry as well. If only, but I was reminded, wasn't i? At one point I thought to myself that I just wanted to be in Heaven already!! And that I hate when things are tough. But God still has a purpose for us in this life. Reminder: God is everything to me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
More than enough for me...<3
God, you alone are worthy.
No matter how hard things get,
how much we don't understand,
how much we want to give up at time,
how exhausted we become day to day,
or even how happy and excited we are,
or how much we want to praise and thank you,
God, i could not live day to day without my eyes on you.
Spring break was amazing. I was able to go on BigBreak with Campus Crusade for Christ again this year but this year I really felt the Holy Spirit fill me up and desired it so bad. Salisbury and UMD Cru loves really, I thank you all, I thank you for loving me honestly and completely. And I thank you all for the best time of my life just falling more deeply in love with the Lord our father, worshipping my heart out and letting God fill me up and just sharing God's love with others with me. It was lifechanging and I can't wait for this change to be brought back to our campus and this love, which I already feel is happening!! And I've met so many Christian friends that I am just so in love with them and their love for YOU.
I don't know why I don't feel all the time that You are more than enough for me. When I really do believe it all the time. Sometimes I really do have to rely on my faith more than my emotions. And that's really tough. But I know I could not live without You to trust in.
Thank You God for my new found sheep friends,
I praise Your power and Your love for also letting me help bring them back to You.
For using me to invest into their lives and just completely love them.
God, I thank You for Brian and Robyn in my life and for the encouragement and hope You have given me through these past weeks. Thank You for giving me a purpose and a passion to serve You and share Your love with others and everyone.
"When we become Christians, it's not that we begin to worshipl it's that we restore worship to its original design. We reboot our lives with the process of being saturated with God." Rick James
I'm reading fantasy right now, bits and pieces to just fill me up with God. I need it so bad all the time, to be filled up. He is the best thing to be saturated with. Better than fear, worry, greed, activity, lust, emptiness, loneliness, or even alcohol. says Rick and I agree.
Worship means "saturation'.
Being saturate with the presence of God, we overflow back to God
in praise, service, thanksgiving, singing, loving, caring, time, so on...
Us pouring ourselves into God and Him pouring Himself back into us-He refills us.
And basically like a sponge, if we fill ourselves up, we're just going to overflow!
That's what God wants. :)
Today, I want to pray especially and lift up all those who are having trouble being filled with God and the Holy Spirit, who are being tested or attacked by Satan, and just everyone in need of God to completely be in them. I pray that God will reveal His great love and power to them as an extra boost of faith so that we can be refreshed and continuously just surrender ourselves. I know it's hard but we need it. What else are we going to turn to? Or better yet what else would we want to turn to? Than this compassionate BIG Good Lord? If we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. Psalm 37:4. I pray for Brian, Robyn, Matt, Chris, my family and everyone who God already knows needs Him more right now. Let's surrender it all to Him.
I just experienced a physical pain so great that I haven't felt in a long time that completely turned my day upside down. I was having a fine day getting excited about having the chance to give blood finally. But I think I was focusing too much on myself being seen and being recognized by others that I was helping others. Which I probably shouldn't have. I should've just done it to do it to really really care for others and the lives I could save, not that I didn't but for some reason I think I thought more of making myself feel good for knowing I did it. But yeah God took over I feel like and of course, I didn't react well to the giving of my blood, lots of blood btw. I looked at it! Bad idea. But I got so nauseated! And dizzy and lightheaded. And then of course, got him with some of the worst stomach cramps of my life!!!!!! Basically I felt like a big baby in front of everyone and had to get special attention and care and ended up being stranded at laplata hall for like 3 hours! I missed the last images meeting that we were leading for this semester and our fundraiser!! Shows how much I'm just not in charge of my world. I'm a lot better now trying to relax and recover. The pain was so bad all at once and I couldn't understand feeling that much pain for doing a good thing that I was angry and muttered some curse words as well. my bad, sorry God. But afterwards and after I felt better, I knew that I would do it all again to just save lives and be given that chance to help others. Weird blood giving experience, i'll give you that. Lol.
Oh God, thanks for being more than enough for me, even if i dont remember that all the time. But when I do and I am filled with You, thank You for letting me share You with others. And just desire You more and more. Just USE ME GOD all the time, anytime! I don't find anything better than to be Used by you. You are soo great and I love you Lord. I can't to retreat away this weekend and just be with Youuuuuu with my brothers and sisters.
Rest world, don't forget to rest.
love love love you all.
whoever you are out there.
No matter how hard things get,
how much we don't understand,
how much we want to give up at time,
how exhausted we become day to day,
or even how happy and excited we are,
or how much we want to praise and thank you,
God, i could not live day to day without my eyes on you.
Spring break was amazing. I was able to go on BigBreak with Campus Crusade for Christ again this year but this year I really felt the Holy Spirit fill me up and desired it so bad. Salisbury and UMD Cru loves really, I thank you all, I thank you for loving me honestly and completely. And I thank you all for the best time of my life just falling more deeply in love with the Lord our father, worshipping my heart out and letting God fill me up and just sharing God's love with others with me. It was lifechanging and I can't wait for this change to be brought back to our campus and this love, which I already feel is happening!! And I've met so many Christian friends that I am just so in love with them and their love for YOU.
I don't know why I don't feel all the time that You are more than enough for me. When I really do believe it all the time. Sometimes I really do have to rely on my faith more than my emotions. And that's really tough. But I know I could not live without You to trust in.
Thank You God for my new found sheep friends,
I praise Your power and Your love for also letting me help bring them back to You.
For using me to invest into their lives and just completely love them.
God, I thank You for Brian and Robyn in my life and for the encouragement and hope You have given me through these past weeks. Thank You for giving me a purpose and a passion to serve You and share Your love with others and everyone.
"When we become Christians, it's not that we begin to worshipl it's that we restore worship to its original design. We reboot our lives with the process of being saturated with God." Rick James
I'm reading fantasy right now, bits and pieces to just fill me up with God. I need it so bad all the time, to be filled up. He is the best thing to be saturated with. Better than fear, worry, greed, activity, lust, emptiness, loneliness, or even alcohol. says Rick and I agree.
Worship means "saturation'.
Being saturate with the presence of God, we overflow back to God
in praise, service, thanksgiving, singing, loving, caring, time, so on...
Us pouring ourselves into God and Him pouring Himself back into us-He refills us.
And basically like a sponge, if we fill ourselves up, we're just going to overflow!
That's what God wants. :)
Today, I want to pray especially and lift up all those who are having trouble being filled with God and the Holy Spirit, who are being tested or attacked by Satan, and just everyone in need of God to completely be in them. I pray that God will reveal His great love and power to them as an extra boost of faith so that we can be refreshed and continuously just surrender ourselves. I know it's hard but we need it. What else are we going to turn to? Or better yet what else would we want to turn to? Than this compassionate BIG Good Lord? If we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. Psalm 37:4. I pray for Brian, Robyn, Matt, Chris, my family and everyone who God already knows needs Him more right now. Let's surrender it all to Him.
I just experienced a physical pain so great that I haven't felt in a long time that completely turned my day upside down. I was having a fine day getting excited about having the chance to give blood finally. But I think I was focusing too much on myself being seen and being recognized by others that I was helping others. Which I probably shouldn't have. I should've just done it to do it to really really care for others and the lives I could save, not that I didn't but for some reason I think I thought more of making myself feel good for knowing I did it. But yeah God took over I feel like and of course, I didn't react well to the giving of my blood, lots of blood btw. I looked at it! Bad idea. But I got so nauseated! And dizzy and lightheaded. And then of course, got him with some of the worst stomach cramps of my life!!!!!! Basically I felt like a big baby in front of everyone and had to get special attention and care and ended up being stranded at laplata hall for like 3 hours! I missed the last images meeting that we were leading for this semester and our fundraiser!! Shows how much I'm just not in charge of my world. I'm a lot better now trying to relax and recover. The pain was so bad all at once and I couldn't understand feeling that much pain for doing a good thing that I was angry and muttered some curse words as well. my bad, sorry God. But afterwards and after I felt better, I knew that I would do it all again to just save lives and be given that chance to help others. Weird blood giving experience, i'll give you that. Lol.
Oh God, thanks for being more than enough for me, even if i dont remember that all the time. But when I do and I am filled with You, thank You for letting me share You with others. And just desire You more and more. Just USE ME GOD all the time, anytime! I don't find anything better than to be Used by you. You are soo great and I love you Lord. I can't to retreat away this weekend and just be with Youuuuuu with my brothers and sisters.
Rest world, don't forget to rest.
love love love you all.
whoever you are out there.
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